Becoming 30

 

Spoiler alert: The word thirty will appear a lot in this post. In case you’re allergic to it 😉

Yes,  how many of us is actually scared of this number, because that’s what we’ve been told as women plus young girls, it’s scary because the myth says that’s when you start to lose your beauty and the biological clock start ticking for motherhood and family, I guess it started to freak us out because it’s a worldwide judgment that if you are not married and you don’t have kids it means you are losing in life. Even the most confident woman starts feeling the pressure to figure her life out earlier just right before 30.  Society begin to convince women and young girls of the idea that they need to  say yes to the right guy  who looks like the safe option even when that voice inside of you tells you that you deserve better ,it became part of our unconscious mind to hurry up the minute we start reaching thirty.  And I’m not different from any girl in this the world. Movies and media are trying to push us to believe that we are not desirable anymore and men won’t look at us the same, when in reality I still have people asking me if I’m twenty five or so. So I took the decision to think of it as a number.

In the other hand what I have learned from the past which  I just started to figure it out: First  thing is to stay true to myself  “DON’T FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT”  you will lose yourself and your  mind while you’re  achieving your dreams.  Second that I’m better than eighty percent than the people in the room NO not because I’m argent, it’s because half of people in the room they are just like me scared while fighting their own battle, I just need to be as confident as them, it takes just little courage. The third one is who gives a F**** it means who cares who laughs on me when i take the stage, presentation, office meeting, and even talking in the class, just who cares, own it.

Yes it’s a scary thing I’m not going to lie , but it’s normal to be scared not ashamed, I love the fact that I’m blessed to grow older , because there are people who lost their lives fighting to grow older. I don’t want to be ashamed anymore of being myself that’s why I’m not going to hide that it’s scary because many movies and books and some celebrities made thirties looks like it’s all about becoming an adult and now life is not fun anymore and they can’t dance anymore because they can’t stay awake all night long and enjoy their life’s because their bodies hurts. And by this age motherhood instincts starts kicking in to have a family, all these ideas messed up with our heads. The truth is I still love staying all night long listing and dancing to music, watching movies, writing songs, I still love dancing and jumping from table to table I still dance and laugh like I’m eighteen . I don’t feel old at all, I grew up as a spirit and that’s it.  I also hate the idea that becoming thirty is hurrying up because the world is not going to accept you and you no longer belong to the twenties. Actually I love how I look now way more than I was in my teenage years, I look hotter and more confident with a big room full of improvements from the inside and outside. And more than ever I’m determined to make my dream come true.

This week just before my birthday my mind kept sinning Beyoncé’s song hold up changing it to Slow Down and kept playing in the back of my head “ Slow Down” all the time with the same melody but different lyrics, and at the same time I fell from my bedroom’s  stairs just like every time my back injury starts to become better something like this happens I fell and the pain comes back, so tonight I was on my bed putting some ice on it while watching “ Jane The Virgin”  and I was thinking what God is trying to tell me, it took me minutes to connect the two together the song in my head and  falling from the stairs “God is telling me to SLOW DOWN”. Because I’m becoming thirty I need to slow, that life after thirty is not a competition, it’s about slowing down.  I need to slow down my mind, my speech and my whole lifestyle.  because this whole myth that “life is going to pass fast”, it happens fast because the minute we turn thirty we start to move faster, because we’re told that life is going to be faster so you better catch up or things will pass you, so we hurry to fall in love or we choose the wrong career because now we are on the panic mode, And I just can’t do that anymore, I’m going to slow down in everything from now on. Thirty is all about discovering more about me, becoming wiser, intelligent,reading more books, and working on my music, yet keeping it fun. Last but not least to be honest I still feel the same inside weird goofy awkward shy Shorok.

 

ShoroK♥♥

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