Now What?!

It’s been a while since I wrote my last post.  Things have been going too fast and too chaotic, politically and socially, not just in one country but all over the world, and with COVID-19, we are all feeling anxious no one knows when it will end, I know I sound depressed and going crazy, aren’t you??. Yes, there’s good in the bad, that’s how I’m killing the negative vibes, all the bad energy at the end we are human, thinking about all the paused dreams and all the personal dreams that we all have, and all the happy events that got canceled, so many lost their loved ones for this vicious virus, people canceled their wedding, having kids, moving to a new house and waiting for that new job.

All the times we felt lazy and unhappy to go to work and run errands etc. now it became a luxury.   I am an introvert staying at home is my thing, but now that I’m forced to stay at home, I can’t do the normal things like shopping for food, I can’t go to my chiropractor and physiotherapy sessions to treat my back injury, going to the bookstore is not an option I know I can order books online but the feeling to stroll in the bookstore with that unique book’s smell.

Going to the hospital is a nightmare getting the regular flu is scary because you need to go to get a PCR test to know whether you have it or not.   I can’t imagine what dating is in this situation how people are going on dates when most of the restaurants are closed they only do home delivery, even if it’s possible to sit in a restaurant the whole time you will worry not to get infected by the virus, Uhhh it’s walking dead going real, what about just getting together with your friends it’s no longer an option, and we only saw each other for four times in the last eight months, just like online dating me and my friends are face-timing each other.

I am a musician, and I can imagine what other musicians are feeling? For an upcoming artist, it’s scary because your whole life hard work is toward one dream is to sell full stadiums around the world. For an artist to sell your Music you need to have live shows, to travel the entire world, and to be in the studio.  I keep wondering how music concerts are going to be soon, from full stadiums to empty ones.

I know this post might be all over the place just wanted to check-in with others to see how everyone is doing and to tell someone that you are not the only one whether you’re an extrovert or introvert it’s not about loving to stay at home or not, but the feeling that life is restricted, you can’t control the outcomes like going to the hospital, buying books from the bookstore, grabbing a coffee with your friends, planning for a vacation, planning your career, going to college, graduating, that job interview and just having the option to do what you want whenever you want.

My silver lining is my DAD, my books there are too many that I can read without finishing all the books in the world, working out, writing songs, watching movies, and planning for after COVID-19 so the minute it ends, I have a plan that is ready to be implemented.  I’m just taking it day-by-day, and living in the moment is the one thing I learned that it’s the most important thing, have no idea how precious these seconds that your heart beats, you’re alive and healthy.

ShoroK ❤ ❤ ❤ 

BLACK LIVES MATTERS Socially & Systemically

“I can’t breathe” won’t go out of my mind, I’m dreaming of it and I’m having dreams about Gorge Floyd’s daughter Gianna Floyd saying  “Daddy Changed the world” over and over, also I can’t forget what his wife said about how he won’t be there for her graduation and walk her down the aisle I feel all kind of physical sensation and so angry that we still live in a world that judging others for their color, social static, and religion.  Writing about racism is hard and so painful specially if you faced racism, what makes me angry is that when I respond to it in every day’s  life people responds to me with “you are being  politically correct” first of all I don’t like being  politically correct because it means that you’re a saint and you never made a mistake in your life and you will never make one and being politically correct means that we live in a world where there is one opinion and one dream to all of us, Anti- Racism is not being politically correct it’s an actual issue and real problem.  There is systemic racism and social racism too, and how it’s in our everyday life some are unseen because it’s not filmed or even recognized by certain societies in the Middle East as long as it doesn’t harm anyone physically it means it’s not racism. 

In the Middle East, it starts with parents making fun of their kids when they are little kids by telling them and I’ve heard it so many times “Don’t stay out under the sun for too long or else you’ll become black”, it’s the most disgusting thing to say to your children, then kids will start crying because they’ll say to them “look you became black “and it’s just the tip of the iceberg. In the Middle East social racism goes by without a blink of an eye because no one Is bothering themselves to teach their kids or society that it’s wrong,  kids grow up thinking that the “ N” word is fun to say, only because we never had systemic segregation, it been always social segregation the law doesn’t punish you for being black but society dose, since the beginning black people work at the rich and royal family’s homes they won’t sell them or buy them they are raised in their homes as helpers!!!  “ Like it’s not slavery” what they think is that it’s not like the U.S or Africa where the segregation was protected by the law and police so it’s not racism and that’s what makes people in the Middle East now and then sleep peacefully.  In the present time,  I get so angry all the time from artist putting a black face and wearing African outfits with intention to make it look like it’s fun not knowing the history  and their music videos will get millions of hit’s, and  in drama show’s people will wear black face like it’s funny not with intention to show something historical, and I know many will say that oh no it’s not that big of a deal we are peaceful and not racist, then let me be specific how about when an Algerian black girl won Miss Algeria everyone talked about how ugly and wondering how did she won she’s not white, how about when Meghan Markel married Prince Harry everyone one thought and said it out loud that she’s black she’s not at the royal family’s level, and friend of the family even sent a photo that shocked me that this person been in my life for years he sent a photo of a white women saying that Harry should marry this beauty not that blackish ugly actress, it’s Middle East unspoken rule of royal families,  that the queen or the princess the one who will give birth to the future king should be white it’s unspoken rule but we all know about it secretly and even if someone from the royal family marries someone black they keep her hidden.

From my personal experience where do I even begin, I was bullied my whole life in school for being black for example when I was seventeen I met a guy and we started talking and things were going very well we were talking about life marriage and kids and he out of nowhere said  “No we can’t get married because you are black girl you can still be in my life beside my wife”  I remember I was sick to my stomach and I ended things, and after a year I have meet a guy from another Arabic  country we were talking just like the first time and he again out of nowhere said “You know I will sacrifice a lot for being with black girl because you know how our society sees it”  in that moment my head was spinning how can you be that racist and still telling me you love m , what I realized years from that situation is that we are not just uneducated but we are not even seeing it as a condition that been passed  through our DNA not knowing that we have it and that’s the problem, other incident when I was sixteen one of my mom’s extended family and they come from mixed race family, I was talking about this guy I like so much this person responded with “You know that guys like him they don’t marry black girl like you” even when my dad is black and I’m black there’s no logic,  and other situation at school when I was fourteen I was having a random conversation with a white girl I still remember her and she’s famous here in my country I said to her “ Oh why did you cut your hair”  she responded with  “At least my hair will grow but you can’t change your black color”, one other girl every morning she will say the most disgusting racist slangs like whenever she sees me walking with a white girl she makes sure to say something like “Wash your hands and her color will come out your hands”, years from that I was on a famous musical reality show and just when I thought that I will never hear a racist comment again and I am sure it’s been recorded one of the guys who’s been responsible for cleaning the place said to me “Shorok your task is cleaning the floor and when I declined he responded with “ The dirt won’t even show on your hand”  meaning  that it won’t be won’t notice because of my color” I remember I was so angry of him  because the whole time he’s so nice to me and out of nowhere he said that why? he kept apologizing but I don’t think he would’ve apologized if i didn’t get mad, another incident was when we were in a bus and it was so dark and one of the guys said no problem Shorok can smile and it will light the bus and again this guy was so nice to me all the time and protects me, all these incidents happened with people from different Middle Eastern and Arabic countries, not just one country, all the time racism is our DNA that it’s not even noticed as racism it’s because even black people are feed by their parents or society that they are less like it’s a common thing to hear black people in the Middle East to say how they want to marry a white woman to recreate the family’s genetics,  it’s a known as a joke here. And even when I came out of that musical reality show the comments on the internet because social media wasn’t that big then twitter was not even big in 2007, the comments were about my color and how ugly I look and that I look disgusting and that I don’t deserve to be there and most of them they are coming from Arabic Middle Eastern people. 

I never believed racism is that big in the U.S when I was younger I thought that it’s there but it’s not that big because it’s America the place of the  “American Dream “ until I went there and the most unbelievable thing happened to me and my dad a white driver from a famous transportation app saw me and my dad and he immediately said “Oh this ride will take too long and along the way I’ll pick up a too many passengers and it will be crowded I said fine because it never hit me that he doesn’t want to take us it was so obvious and he kept giving us excuses, I looked at me and dad who told me to ask him to stop the car and step out of the ride I was so shocked because until that moment I didn’t see it as a big issue like it’s just in some southern  states, to be honest from that moment I started to educate myself about racism in America and  I believed that the police brutality in the U.S is bigger than what the media reporting, because of what happened to me and he wasn’t even a police officer and to be honest from what I read, I was too scared even to go back to the U.S especially when I started to see all the black men being killed by racist cops because my dad is black and what if a police officer stops him in the airport or the streets and kills  him,  I am that sacred that I really considered never going back to the U.S even that I love being there,  the people are amazing I have a lot of friends there but what if one time a police officer feels the need to stop my dad based  on his color and get him killed I can’t even imagine.

The other issue, we need to learn is to stop making it a celebrity thing, when celebrities become bigger than the issue and using it by their PR teams to gain more fans or be more likable is to make sure to jump on every serious issue and make it look like it’s just the entertainment business issue, I like and admire people like Oprah Winfrey and Denzel Washington they never act with their EGO to use their celebrity statues to be likable with the intention to make their name bigger and more, they truly want to heal the nation and to make a difference in the world while doing it behind the scenes and they don’t add fuel to the fire, I have never in my life heard Denzel Washington bragging about his achievements or making sure that his name will be on every entertainment news just to feed his ego even Oprah she always make sure to say her opinion without letting the world of social media or the news networks bully her into silence, she makes sure that the right people feel the change not just the people in the entertainment business  I will never forget her speech in the golden globes when she talked about the ME TOO movement I quote her

“ But it’s not just a story affecting the entertainment industry. It’s one that transcends any culture, geography, race, religion, politics, or workplace. So I want tonight to express gratitude to all the women who have endured years of abuse and assault because they — like my mother — had children to feed and bills to pay and dreams to pursue. They’re the women whose names we’ll never know. They are domestic workers and farm workers; they are working in factories and they work in restaurants, and they’re in academia and engineering and medicine and science; they’re part of the world of tech and politics and business; they’re our athletes in the Olympics and they’re our soldiers in the military.”

, basically they want the real change not the “In the moment attention”.  And one of the things that made me walk away from politics, is how politicians because they will always say the right things to get elected or things the crowd want to hear, because in these important defining moments politicians will always jump to the issue to serve their political agendas driven by their egos and how they can use it for their interest, knowing that behind closed doors they don’t give a dam about it and they take it as an advantage to get people on their side and not as a moment to truly change the world.

At the end, what I want to say is that racism first starts at HOME, Hating one another starts from Home,  if it makes you angry start to correct your own home, hating each other’s based on our Religion starts from HOME, political difference and killing each other for politics and politicians at home richer than me and you while sleeping with a peaceful conscious because the know at HOME someone teaching their children that the other part is Evil so it starts at HOME, when someone disrespects someone with a racial comments it starts with you and me at HOME, change come when we raise our children to have healthy opinions and good manners it doesn’t matter what you think is right or wrong this generation is feed with accounts on social media fans bullying each other’s, political extreme ideas from all sides and we have millions and millions of people all they have is fear, hate and a revenge mentality. Let’s remember it all starts from one HOME to millions of HOMES filled with Racism, Sexism and so many issues.   How do I know that it starts from HOME because I was raised to never judge or see people with their color, religion, nationality and sexuality, and I’m so proud of how I was raised to be open to love everyone the same way. Remember, it all starts in your own HOME, you can set all the laws but you still can’t control what happens inside peoples HOME.

Finally, I will end this article with one of my quotes “We were all humans until race disconnected us, religion separated us, politics divided us and wealth classified us.” ~ANONYMOUS

To all the souls we lost REST IN PEACE. Justice will be served sooner or later.




First of all, I’m an introvert and I find my peace at home in the silence away from the crowd, but even introverts are feeling uncomfortable and specially if you live in with your family, it will affect you and your introvert soul and specially if they are not responsible and uneducated enough with the issue.


Before I continue  just a reminder I don’t claim that I know all the answers to this issue and I’m just like everyone else I’m trying to survive these hard time specially if you have mental issues and anxiety.   Being  an introvert and self-isolation is not a big deal to me because I’m used to stay at home all the time, but with this pandemic even  introverts are being affected by the uncertainty, it’s the news and the amount of the information we get on a daily biases which is effecting all of us with no exceptions. Rich, poor, famous, etc…. We are all in this together.


I am panicking just like everyone else, I keep searching for the updates, the number of cases and the vaccine trials, hearing the news of how many are dead and how many people are being affected by the virus,  it’s more than seventy thousand deaths and  more than one million people are affected by it, hearing that some countries don’t even have enough beds to treat those affected,  basically the world is in war with an invisible enemy, even the world leaders are confused and shocked, that it’s 2020 and nothing can be done to end this war, this virus forced major cities to shut down, cities like Milan, New York, Paris etc… it’s World War III  but this time the enemy is invisible.

It started to trigger me mentally with all the information coming from social media, people around me and specially those who are not taking the issue serious enough and keep going out like it’s a regular flu, it’s an overwhelming, so I started trying some activities to stay positive and to be strong, because no one knows how long this thing will last.  These are couple of things that made it little batter, it’s important to mention that this activates and tools are not for everyone, you should ask a professional if you are being treated by one, you can try the things I listed if you think it’s working for you, it includes as follows:

– I tried listing to music and it’d been helping a lot I can skip this nightmare at least for glimpse of time.

-I tried lighting a candle; turn off the lights, and applying a sheet mask while watching something on Netflix.

-Reading a book is one of the most important thing in my daily routine it takes you to different places, beautiful fictional places and some self-helping books that been working as a therapist for me.

-Having a genuine conversation with my dad is one of the best things ever, he knows how to make me relax and to look at things from a positive perspective, telling about his experiences through tough times, without any doubt he’s the right therapist.

-Face timing my best friends have been helpful too.

-Cleaning and organizing the place is helpful too I put some good music while cleaning and doing the laundry.

-Cooking makes me happy and positive, it’s the only time I stop thinking about anything but the meal I’m cooking, I’m so occupied that I won’t scroll throw my phone looking for updates.


-When it comes to news I get my updates from Bill Gates, because he’s the one who warned the world about this pandemic, and he’s aware of all the updates.


Finally I hope you stay at home and to stay safe, for you and for you family, those in front lines nurses and doctors and the vulnerable.  P.S Thank You to all the health workers all around the world, you are the real heroes in this war and we are glad that you are sacrificing your lives for us. You deserve all the medals and  honors in the world THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE.



Until Death Do Us Apart


Why do we have to lose someone in a tragic accident or crash for us to understand that life is too short and that life is not promised to anyone, why do we need to be reminded all the time that life is more than trends, looks and whose right and whose wrong, why we need to lose big names like Kobe Bryant, Princess Diana for us to remember that we are all humans.  Bullying, Trolling each others and the new trend “Canceling Someone ” and creating a negative environment which never serves anyone, and start a campaign to end someone’s career or following someone daily just to comment on every detail in their lives defending it with the most ridicules answer “they put themselves in that position” responding every time that they are famous than they should have a thick skin  so they are allowed to bully them and troll them until it’s too late. We are witnessing also trolling non-famous people thinking that no one in the world is immune to any attack then act like they’re shocked and sad that the individual took their own lives, because they couldn’t take it anymore but it’s too late to take it back.

After the tragic crash that took one of the kindest human being ever Princess Diana  , the campaign that the press created and even society along and to me i think that press is made by a group of people coming from the society to reflect the public opinion, they followed her, shamed her, bullied her in the press, people used to say that she’s going from man to man even the positive feedback was a pressure on her shoulders because we think that when we defend someone against bullying and trolling which also puts even more pressure on the victim  knowing that it’s going to be worse, because the bully will become even more ruthless,  And after her death the whole world acted like they were shocked and how it’s too soon for her to be gone , we all thought that the world will change, and that the world will learn from that lesson before it’s too late again. The world only mourn the loss for couple of days and everyone start to speak  wisely, and just like that the world went back to the same old habits, picking on people, how they look, who they’re dating, how ugly their looks, fake for having plastic surgery and ugly for not doing anything, and the world always pick a target whether a famous person or not until we lose someone again, we go back to the same circle mourn the dead for days and then go back to the same old habits. Yes we all fell  for it because sometimes it seems like it just for fun, nothing is serious it’s just a retweet or a replay that we all share unconsciously creating a negative energy in the world, yes there things that are funny and it doesn’t harm anyone, the most dangers thing is to pick a target and start to bring this person down thinking that we are prophets and we don’t have personal  flaws and we never made mistakes, we all made mistakes and we all said something not knowing that it’s wrong or we didn’t have the information or the knowledge about the issue, we all acted somehow like kids. Now we live in an age even if the person didn’t commit a huge mistake and how many times we witnessed this when people and media pick someone and put a target on this person’s back and no matter what they say or do the world immediately makes sure they are attacked and bullied to the point it turns into death threats and hate crimes.

We need to think seriously about this issue because it’s like the climate change there will be a time when the whole world will be living under huge mental health illness crisis because everyone is anxious about every single detail in their lives, this will cost the world great number of souls who we may lose from depression, anxiety and overthinking.  Let’s teach our children to be kinder and to have sympathy towards others. Let’s fight bullying, trolling and “canceling” people only because it will give someone couple of RTs, followers, some money and becoming popular for one hot hour. Remember that’s your karma and it will come back to hunt you in many forms and situations.

Finally being kind is sexier and makes you look attractive and will create a lot of positive energy in the world that you will receive a good karma along the way.  Yes life is not fun without joking around and laughing but when it turns into a vicious attack and wishing someone harm and death it’s no longer fun it’s a crime.  BE KIND



Seven Reasons Why…


You should take care of your mental health, I suffered from Depression and Anxiety and this is why you should consider help too:

1. You deserve a batter life, you have to be fully alive this journey is yours to experience with self-love and joy, your life is a puzzle and each path , accident and trauma is part of our transformation into a magnificent self, and you need to ask for help if things are too much to handle , and no it’s not weakness it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.

2. Who said you need to look or be the same as the other seven billion people in the world, if you care too much you suffer too much, be your own version of yourself it’s hard at the beginning but I know from a personal experience, believe me the minute you’re free of all the ropes that’s suffocating you like society , family and friends, and you start surrounding yourself with those who make you feel better and accept you the way you are, the brighter your life will be.

3. Your opinion matters, you feeling matters, how you speak and how you dress and show your feelings are important don’t feel anxious every time you want to say what’s in your mind, the truth and the life you carry in you has the right to live and to have it own opinions and dreams, even if it will hurt and people will not like your truth there are so many people who will love your true authentic self.

4. You a force that can change the world with your dreams and vision, you are someone who matters to someone , your smile, heart, dreams and skills might can change the world to a batter future and how you feel now is going to change and you will be the best in the world , just ask the right person for help and the minute you are free you will see how your life and vision is amazing.

5. Your mental health is important to start your own journey not the journey you read or you visit on people social media , or the comments people leave under your photo or the likes, one important thing , two people could post the same quote but one will get millions of likes and the other will get nothing, not because you don’t matter it just means that the first is famous and the other is not as simple as that, we all matter without the like, views, you need to remember that those are fake expectations and standards that the world accepted and everyone is following it, you don’t. No one’s life is valued more than the other, your posts and photos it doesn’t get that much of an attention because the world still didn’t put a tag suggesting that people should, but don’t postpone your journey waiting an outsider to validate your image and joy.

6. You could be an Introvert and you are confusing your love to be alone at home and not going out every night with the idea that you don’t like the world and that something is wrong with you, being an introvert it means you feel at peace away from the crowd, noises, or having big gatherings and dinners, nothing is wrong with you, just like extroverts they feel more alive and happy when they are out with the crowd.

7. Nothing is worth losing your mind over family, friends, fans and others expectations. you should be proud and at peace with who you are because no one will live with you inside of you but you, this is your life and you should live through your own expectations your own growth, because if the world started to love you for who you are then you set the rules not the world don’t let your transformation and growth be tamed by the world media, social media, people go through changes , they grow and you must accept that without fearing the judgment, don’t be the world’s prisoner. and don’t be your own dreams prisoner.

Be your freaking self, Love yourself , and seek help it’s not a weakness it’s your greatest achievement by not giving up on yourself. LOVE



Fuck The Odds 1


Oops did I just write that….


All my life I have been flying against the wind and even when the odds were against me I stepped on them and broke them, since I was little girl until now.  The odds says that a black free-minded girl who only cares about enjoying this wild journey called life, who will never have more than what her world offers her, that one day will have her own voice.


Everyone thought and said that i will never be good at school even when I was bullied for my color I used to pass all my classes not by being at the top of my class but I used to pass with fine grades which was mentally challenging, those who bullied me had better grades than me, and at that time they looked better than me because they were white according to them and I’m black, I said to myself FUCK THE ODDS i am going to graduate from high school and I will get the highest degrees and I will be at the top in life, guess what I have Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and Master’s Degree in Project Management  BOOM just like that and those who bullied me most of them didn’t even graduate from college or settled for a mediocre life and jobs, while I became a well-educated girl, classy, sexy , beautiful so in love with myself.


Fuck The Odds when I said that I wanted to become an artist and everyone went laughing at me and I was like OK keep doing it, the joke was on them at the end, I always wanted to be in a reality musical show called star academy it’s the French version of the American idols and whoever gets in is luckiest person around but for political reasons and conservative reasons no girl from GCC ever been in it and even when there were girls wanting to get in they’ve talked out of it because it’s a reality show that air’s 24/7 and cameras following the contestants everywhere from the toilet to bedrooms and everywhere else in the house,  plus boys and girls living in the same house, while me and my dad kept it a secret and waited for the right moment to strike and those who laughed at me and said that I will be out from the first week and you know what for a seventeen years old girl that never been on stage I stayed for five weeks and I did become the first girl from to be on that show and I didn’t fear the hate and backlash that I got from family and society. Someone from the high level asked my dad why she didn’t ask for permission, he answered with “well I won’t kill my daughter’s dream for anything or anyone”.

Again the odds are against me, making in Hollywood and show business as a Pop star seems so far, I’m knocking every door, only one person from thousands of people helped me without putting any boundaries on my dreams he’s the best thing that happen to me I will not mention his name but he’s someone who helped me to achieve 10% of my dreams by his support.  Others did not because I am unfinished product and what are the odds for a girl from the GCC who’s extremely relentless and yes not to forget a feminist, they prefer someone that will not stir the pot, plus the way i dress and the fact that i don’t take no for an answer.

At the end of day there’s 10% of life that I can’t control is the only thing that could stop me from dreaming and achieving my dreams, the other 90% says that I will make it because I worked so hard from the age seventeen until now and I’m someone who believes in hard work and team work, so this dream is my life main objective.  I’m told that I am too much yet the same people invite pop artist that are beyond exposed and well known for their reveling songs and when it’s comes to me it’s too much I quote “Oh no you represent the country” ammm excuse me what about all those events with different artists from everywhere like I said known their open lifestyle. And there is this soda’s company executive in the Middle East whom I emailed him with my project he responded with “that in Middle East they no longer sponsor any artists anymore”, then why the main headquarter in the US asked me to email the Middle East branch to ask them for sponsorship, while knowing that they don’t.  But like I said again I will do it again and strike with my success, which I know that when I become a finished product they will call me the pride of the nation. The only away I will get support is if I bend the knee it actually happened someone reached to me and my dad saying she shakes hands with high people and write her demands then she will get what she wants meaning if i bend the knee, which I’d rather die.

Whoever read this post, if you’re a girl that is about to give up on your dreams because of what the odds says let me tell you, don’t freakin give up keep fighting, dreaming and working hard.







The reason why I’m writing this post is because the stigma that surround this subject and the shame of talking about it, and if you think that we are in 2019 and nothing is off the limits then you live in a dream’s land, so many women and specially young girls whose shy to talk about it or even to buy period pads from the supermarket, hiding it from everyone like it’s a shame stamp on their foreheads.

To say it’s painful is the least the ladies out there you know what I mean to say it’s the most emotional phase of my month is just understating the feeling, everything about it is so complicated and if you think it’s just couple of emotional days will you need to educate yourself.  The week before it you get emotional depressed and clueless plus anxious, always hungry  you know why but you can’t control it, let me start with the heat of my body no matter how much cold the room is I still feel like my inside in burning, the physical changes like my weight, and my skin becomes so sensitive with acne, and mood swings that I can’t control , keep in mind  women everywhere they have to wake up in those same days and put on their brave suit and  work hard and pretend that everything is perfect women in banks, Nurses, athletes, mothers with crying babies feeding them, teachers etc..

Then you get your period, the cramps and the pain that comes with it, in that moment i feel like something inside of me is eating me a life, my inside is twisting and my whole body is weak, sometimes even lying in bed is the most painful thing in the world, sweating for no  reason, my sense smell becomes ten times powerful that the smell of coffee is overwhelming,  I can’t stop thinking for women living alone in that moment with that pain, the weakness, and the fever you get, and waking up the next day putting the strong mask going to work or whatever you need to do, that’s heroic no doubt about, because thinking of food in these days or cooking is like being in prison and cooking is your punishment by cooking for yourself. So when I hear how someone complains that equality is unfair will bleeding for 7 days with that pain and the hormonal changes and actually functioning like a normal human being is disrespectful.

So if you’re a man reading this and you have a women in your life the best thing you can do to make her feel better and closer to each other , cook for her in these days, bring her flowers and chocolate, take two days off to take care of the kids it will mean the world to her, tell her that she matters and that you got her, it’s not about being men and women it’s about having an understanding for each other, and even if you are a friend or a father make sure to take care of her because she does all the time when you need her , when she’s mad or sad it’s because she can’t fight the changes inside of her all she needs is a hug and to feel loved.



The Power Of Books

final post


To say that books can change your life is not a lie, the power of reading is epic, but actually learning from them is even more powerful, Some books made me cry and some made me laugh and some made me question my faith and self and absolutely all of them challenged my mind. I had read more than one book for each author in the list, but I listed the ones with the most impact on my life. For now I can say that these books have changed my life and transformed me into who I am today, I will read more in the future and I will post more lists in the future.

I will list each book with my own opinion about it, and what I took from it, without spoiling any of them, here is the list:

  • The Overcoat & the Nose By Nikolai Gogol: He is one of the greatest Russian authors who influenced the world of literature, and this book is going to play games with your mind, with a brilliant well executed fantasy and charming style.


  • Violet’s War By Ahmed Juma: This Epic novel that goes around the struggle among powers and how to create the difference in a world that lost it balance with so many twists and betrayals, this novel taught me the art of survival and how leadership is equal between men and women.


  • A Farewell To Arm By Ernest Hemingway: A meaning of a true love in a time of war and chaos, as a reader it made me compare between the world then and the world now, and how love used to be seen and how we lost all connections to it today.


  • Thus Spoke Zarathustra By Friedrich Nietzsche: I will not say more than what the world already knows about this book, it will make you question your faith, practices, and believe, it will be extremely challenging if you still didn’t open up to that part in you, too scared to ask and too afraid to even question religion and faith. This book will change who you are as a person.


  • The Dream By Emile Zola: A love story that faces a religious and social challenges, the same challenges are still present in the world we live in and how different background, social class, religion can come between two lovers.


  • Snow By Orhan Pamuk: In a world where religion interfere with the state and how it demolish people’s ethics and values just to gain power and rule the nation, and the danger that faces the person who dares to question that power or even challenge it, and how it tear down families and friends relationships.


  • Black Milk By Elif Shafak: her perception about motherhood and life as an author and a woman, and the challenges that a women get to face in conservative societies, while questioning marriage, love, motherhood, and going through her postpartum, it answered a lot of my own questions and helped me to see things from different views.


  • The Storm By Gibran Khalil Gibran: Love, Life, Morals, Religion, Politics, Fear of death, and Fear of living, a life changing book. I really can’t add more of words, it’s written by a genius, this book will give you chills.


  • A Confession of an Economic Hit Man By John Perkins: political, a clear insight on how politics really works, a whistle-blower who confesses a true life story of him manipulating and destroying countries throw the world bank by giving loans to developing countries and behind closed doors they use these loans to captivate the nations and destroy their infrastructures.


  • The Gambler By Fyodor Dostoevsky: the great Dostoevsky is trying to portrait a corrupted society and a greedy world full of double standards and ethics and how people turn into their worst nightmares when they are faced with challenges and temptations.


  • One Hundred Year Of Solitude By Gabriel Garcia Marquez: This one here is the book that made me fell in love with novels and reading , it’s about group of people who chose to abandon this world to create new realty in an I isolated land to create a life where it’s fulled with fiction and reality that get mixed together and the resemblances to our life and how stories and mysteries been told from generation to the next full of fiction just to continue living in fear of those stories so we can fear the change.


  • The Duel By Anton Chekhov: This novel has all the characters in life it feels like Chekhov wanted to represent every part of his mind in one novel, it’s a short one but it truly represent all kind of humans or maybe a reflection to the author’s characters , for example the bored one, the one that hates everything and everyone, the critic one etc. it’s so interesting that it will let you discover that we all have one or many of them in our life or within us.


  • Bad Feminist By Roxane Gay: A group of articles with an extreme explanation of what feminism is about and how it’s challenging to be a feminist in a world that for centuries showed women nothing but an emotional creature. it also touches the sensitive subjects such as violence, anger, race, and how women are portrayed in music, movies, and in daily life.


  • The Intimate Enemy By Guy Finley: it’s the book that changed my whole life, it talks about how people turn into their own enemies and how we destroy our own life by believing what we are told, by our past, and how to let go of fear, expectations and anger.


  • The Seat Of The Soul By Gary Zukav: A spiritual journey that opened my mind to a new wide open window called karma, intention and how living through fear, anger will even lead to more painful experiences, and how my intention is the key to everything i put out to the world, and to unlock the  multi-sensory human that I am.


  • To A God Unknown By John Steinbeck: it’s about a second chance at life that don’t go the way expected, it’s about family, frustration, dreams, and unexpected events that turns people’s life upside down, searching for God something to believe in, and through that journey it gets too hard and  too painful. A conflict starts when those members are searching for the truth and those who think they found God through their practices, and how the characters gets too dark and too confused during their search.


  • The Light We Cannot See By Anthony Doerr: Two different worlds, two different believes come together during World War II, and how some humans never lose their kind side and become saviors for those are called enemies and how humans kindness wins over evil thoughts and systems that changes two individuals future and present in a time it was all about white and black no in between, a novel that rocked my world upside down.


  • Fifty Shades Of Gray By E L James: Many different opinions about this trilogy some called it too poor and it has no meaning and so many sees it just as a romantic novel.   For me what I loved about this novel is the author herself breaking all the rules in the literature world, were women authors are not expected to write these types of novels.  E L James broke the mold with this book, not just with couple of lines but by publishing four books that talks about two young couple exploring their sex life with specific details.




 Freak Feminist


Many people assume or pretended to know what feminism is about either the anti-feminism or those who understand feminism the wrong way, the main assumption is that feminists are a group rebellion women who hates men, who don’t consider men are important to their life’s, don’t shower and don’t shave their body and those are a group of women who never found a man to love them they took it as asylum to their loneliness that’s what one of my college professors once said in his lecture while the subject wasn’t even about women it was about the environmental management, and I took an action against him to expel him, and the surprise was that he use to harass female students and no one in the class ever thought of it as a wrong doing they responded with “ it happens sometimes”.

The main goal of this movement was about women rights to vote and to have an equal life at her home with her man and at her work place so those anti-feminism voices are trying to show it as it’s just about women driving attention to themselves, these opinions are more common in the middle east, why I keep writing about the middle east it’s because that’s where I live. This movement started in the 18th century where women like Susan B. Anthony and Lucretia Mott and Sojourner Truth were fighting for everyone to have and equal rights, the righs to vote and to have an equal economical, political, and social rights, plus birth control rights. So it wasn’t about hating the opposite sex, or marriage.

And in the modern era Maya Angelou wrote about how feminist are not just an activists or angry souls they are a beautiful sexual beings no matter what the world thinks of their sizes, colors, and dreams in one of her most known poem Phenomenal Women “Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to, Suit a fashion model’s size, But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. “. Oprah Winfery in the other hand the women who changed my life and made me the women that I am today all after my dad introduced me to her, she’s considered to be one of the most influencing women of our time. Her strength by never letting the world bring her down, but the most important lesson I learned personally is how to be a feminist and vulnerable and never fear being called weak.  Personally I never thought of feminism as hating the other side, because I’ve learned feminism from my dad like I mentioned in a previous post, he’s the one who told me to fight for my equal rights and never take no for an answer from a anyone and that the only way to judge me is through my work and results not by my gander, he taught me to be strong and to fight for what’s mine and never wait for men to give me what’s mine and to never wait for society to give the bread crumps of my rights just to shut my mind and mouth up, that’s how I knew that being a feminist is not about being angry or aggressive with men ,it’s not a war, it’s a journey to take what I was born with which is my freedom and the deference between my rights. And to always remember that through this journey I will face criticism and i will be attacked by strangers and family members but my dad always told to never stop moving forward and never feel intimidated by the rejection or the isolation that our society will apply on me. Remembering that feminism is living with my birth rights to have my own choices in marriage, love, education, dreams, job, having children, plus equal opportunities and equal treatment in every aspect of my life.

And it doesn’t surprise me anymore that the minute I say that I am a feminist people responded with “So you don’t want a man to pay for your first date or pull the chair for you, or to open the car’s door for you and you don’t want to hold hand or to be respected, and taking his last name?!” I always get so confused about it, chivalry and romance has nothing to do with feminism I still love all those things, I can pay my own bill or I can open the car’s door it’s about being nice and respectful, who doesn’t like chivalry and respect, at the same time I don’t feel bad if I ever opened the car’s door for my man or pay the bill on the first date, it’s just a matter of a romantic act on your first date, and about taking his last name it’s a matter of a choice you both make, I have worked for my name so hard and it takes a strong man to accept that I have the choice to not take his name, but even with that I might chose to take his name if want to, I would love if he would take my name why not?! And there is absolutely no reason even to think about it.

Finally being a feminist is more than just wearing a suit so people can take me serious or being uptight all the time, it’s a historical journey since the beginning of time, women died and suffered a lot so we can be who we are today and it’s not just about the visuals and speeches it’s more of a daily life not just a celebrity thing it’s about fighting for women who are teachers, doctors, stay home mothers, and waitresses and farmers everywhere it’s more than a cover on the magazine and interviews, because not a lot of women has that platform. it’s how to use fame to fight for those women who we interact with on a daily basis, it’s about all of us supporting all of us, MEN & WOMEN.




New Year, No Expectations


No Expectations and No resolutions it’s a promise I need to keep ….

Honestly I’m done with expectations and resolutions, we set a lot of expectations and we end up being disappointed with ourselves, last year I thought to myself let’s stop setting resolutions for a year you never know what will happen in it, I ended up planning and thinking of my plans and resolutions day and night. So, this year I’m determined not to plan anything and I’m not setting any kind of resolutions, all I’m going to do is continue working hard and keep my heart open and never letting other’s opinions change my choices. I’m doing this thing because we always set a plan and resolution and by August or maybe earlier feeling disappointed by the results. Now I know that life is not what you expect life is about surprises and God’s right timing either it’s a love story or dream house or dream career all I need is to work harder and keep believing in myself without putting too much on my freakin mind, life is about 10% out of our control you never know what will happen.

Every year I write down a plan and I work so hard to keep up with it, and i even traveled to make these plans come to life just like the old John joke, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ”Listen God,” John said. ”I know I haven’t been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don’t have a lot of money. Please help me out.” He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn’t won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ”Come on, God,” he said. ”I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.” He left the synagogue, a week went by, and he didn’t win the lottery. So, he went to a mosque and started to pray again. ”You’re starting to disappoint me, God,” he said. ”I’ve prayed and prayed. If you just let me win the lottery, I’ll be a better person. I don’t have to win the jackpot, just enough to get me out of debt. I’ll give some to charity, even. Just let me win the lottery.” John thought this did it, so he got up and walked outside.   The clouds opened up and a booming voice said, ”John, buy a fucking lottery ticket.” and that’s what me and my dad did we bought the tickets and went to London and Los Angles to recorded some music and do a photo-shoot. But at the end I hit the wall of expectations.

What I have learned from last year is that I am tired of having expectations for people in my life, and people in music business empty promises, all I’m going to do is to work hard as usual and never let things bring me down, I will not set a deadline or plan every single second of my life, I’ve been doing it through my whole life, I just want to breath and take the pressure of my chest and take a moment for myself away from  politics, toxic people in my life and keep the real ones, I won’t explain myself to anyone I want to be free of social responsibility , focusing on my well-being, relaxing, and focus on myself mentally, physically, I will try my best to let things happens the way they’re supposed to happen.

Finally, I’m going to let 2019 be the year of the truth, no expectations, no plans, No resolutions just keeping it real, I will live in the moment and see where God is taking me.  All I need is Peace, Love, Health, and true success.